all in the timing

All Saints Church held its annual Adult Social last night. The fund raiser was a huge success due to the large turnout and the big bids on the auction items. During the course of the evening, we heard that our founding pastor, Fr. Chris, will become pastor of a new parish on Brickey Lane in North Knoxville that will be named after St. Albert the Great, the patron saint of scientists.

I was asked to emcee an awards show spoof. I did a brief monologue before introducing the first presenter:

Thank you, it is my pleasure to be asked to host the first and only Halo Awards ceremony. Apparently Rick Russo was busy tonight.

It’s been a year of big changes here at All Saints. Last year at the Adult Social we were saying good-bye to Fr. Chris Michelson and celebrating the good times we had with him.

This year we are still celebrating the arrival of our new pastor, Fr. Michael Woods, who is maintaining our traditions while making some changes that are appropriate for the most vibrant parish in the most vibrant diocese in the country. Fr. Michael has changed the mass schedule both on Sundays and during the week, where he added a daily nooner. Of course the biggest change is that Fr. Michael has dropped the longstanding guarantee that Fr. Chris used to have: “60 minutes or less or your next mass is free!”

We’re happy that Fr. Augustine Idra can be here with us tonight. You’ll remember that a year ago, Fr. Gus went home to Africa for a visit and they wouldn't let him leave. Actually Fr. Gus found out the hard way that in Africa, if you miss your connecting flight, you have to wait two weeks for the next one.

Two of our longtime parishioners are this close to becoming deacons. A week from tomorrow, Ken Long and Tim Elliott will be ordained. Through this process we've learned that the Bishop thinks it takes two deacons to replace one Dickerson. Yup, Fr. Tony Dickerson is leaving already. Maybe in his honor we can refer to Ken and Tim as our new “Deackersons.” The bishop decided to send Fr. Tony back to high school. It will be a lot like the last time Tony was in high school except that this time it will be his choice to remain celibate (as opposed to the choice of all the girls he dated).

And things are finally back to normal for Fr. Ragan Schriver. The foot that he injured while in physical therapy for a different injury has healed. He’s still living the vegetarian lifestyle… (Fr. Ragan interrupts with his “Vote for Me” sign, security drags him away, and I introduce the first award presenter.)