aye, there's the rib

Thank goodness for the Internet. Without its streaming video, I would have missed seeing Dr. Bill Bass on "20/20." The founder of the Body Farm was interviewed about his testimony in a 2001 murder trial. Dr. Bass proved that the medical examiner was wrong and that a man accused of killing his cousin was innocent. Here's the segment in which Dr. Bass appears.


I saw Dr. Bass and his co-author Jon Jefferson recently. They came by to record our annual interview about their latest Body Farm novel. The newest one, "The Bone Thief," will be released on March 23. The radio program will air on March 14. As usual, Jefferson and Bass will be devoting a lot of time to book signing appearances where they are ably assisted by the devoted Bone Zones crew. A publicist from HarperCollins just sent me an updated list of appearances. The signings at Sam's Club and Kroger are not yet on their website.

Tuesday, March 23
7:00 PM
BORDERS
202 Morrell Road
Knoxville, TN 37919

Wednesday, March 24
7:00 PM
DAVIS-KIDD BOOKSELLERS
The Mall at Green Hills
2121 Green Hills Village Drive
Nashville, TN 37215

Thursday, March 25
7:00 PM
BOOKS-A-MILLION
310 S Illinois Avenue
Oak Ridge, TN 37830

Friday, March 26
6:00 PM
CARPE LIBRUM BOOKSELLERS
5113A Kingston Pike
Knoxville, TN 37919

Saturday, March 27
12:00 PM
SAM'S WHOLESALE CLUB
8435 Walbrook Drive
Knoxville, TN 37923

Saturday, March 27
3:00 PM
KROGER
5201 North Broadway
Knoxville, TN 37918

Monday, April 05
6:00 PM
ROCK POINT BOOKS
401 Broad Street
Chattanooga, TN 37402

Tuesday, April 06
7:00 PM
FOX TALE BOOK SHOPPE
105 E Main Street
Woodstock, GA 30188

Thursday, April 08
7:00 PM
BOOK MARK
299 Atlantic Boulevard
Atlantic Beach, FL 32233

Friday, April 09
7:30 PM
QUAIL RIDGE BOOKS
3522 Wade Avenue
Raleigh, NC 27607

Saturday, April 10
7:00 PM
MALAPROP'S BOOKSTORE/CAFE
55 Haywood Street
Asheville, NC 28801

Sunday, April 11
7:00 PM
BOOKS-A-MILLION
Johnson City Plaza
2116 N Roan Street
Johnson City, TN 37601

taking action

At this month's meeting of the FBI Knoxville Citizens Academy Alumni Association, we voted to contact area middle schools and encourage the guidance counselors to instruct their students about the FBI-SOS Internet Challenge program. SOS stands for Safe Online Surfing.

In the program, kids learn how to be careful on the Internet by doing what they love, going online to find answers to scavenger hunt questions. Best of all the whole thing is free. Teachers and principals get started by following the instructions online. The site does not save the students' names, only the school administrators can match the child with their unique user name.

Each month, the school with the highest score in the country earns a trophy presented by the Special Agent in Charge of their local field office. Here's my question for you: Do you know any middle school employees or parents who would be willing to look at the FBI-SOS website and recommend it to their principal?

where there's a will

If Casey Kasem was around back in the heyday of classical music, and I'm not saying he wasn't, the orchestral pieces at the top of the pop chart would be my favorites. My tastes in the fine arts don't run very deep. I heard something I liked on WUOT the other day and wasn't the least bit surprised to discover that it was one of Beethoven's symphonies, I think they said it was the 4th. I also like stuff by Mozart and Tchaikovsky.

Tonight's performance by the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra featured a couple of pieces that anybody would recognize, classical fan or not. The theme of the program was "Shakespeare in Love," with music inspired by the works of the bard. The KSO once again provided free tickets to bloggers willing to write about their experience at the show.

I was happy to see Einstein Simplified alumnus Todd Covert and his wife Donna in the audience. Todd will be guest-blogging for our mutual friend Jacene's site. Since Jacene missed tonight's show, my wife suggested that I invite her to come to the Knoxville Choral Society concert on Saturday.

A small group of sopranos and altos from the Choral Society sang during the second half of tonight's show. They provided the voice of the chorus during selections from Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." I had no idea until tonight that the opus includes the famous "Wedding March" we've all heard countless times. Four actors from the Clarence Brown Theatre performed some lines from Shakespeare's play while wearing different hats to represent the multiple characters they portrayed. Of the four, I was especially impressed and amused by David Kortemeier. He was clean-shaven in his publicity photo but had a beard on stage. My guess is that he grew it in preparation for his upcoming role as Don Quixote.

The best part of the concert came right before intermission. The orchestra played Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture." As promised by Maestro Lucas Richman, I could imagine both the swooning and the sword fights from the play. The program repeats Friday night at the historic Tennessee Theatre.

sun of a niche

Cassie is a fellow blogger and Twitterer who often takes the time to post comments on my blog entries. I hope she takes advantage of the free symphony tickets available to bloggers this week. She was the first person to make an online donation to my camera replacement fund and recently gave me some old souvenirs that made me very happy.

Perhaps Cassie remembers a 2007 post of mine about some plastic cups I got at Patrick Sullivan's. Or maybe she has discerned over the years that I wish I had visited Knoxville during the summer of 1982. Instead, I spent that summer working for free at a bankrupt little AM station in Herndon, Virginia.

Today my wife and I took the items from Cassie back to their roots. It was a beautiful day for a visit to World's Fair Park, where I posed with a commemorative dish and snow globe from the 1982 World's Fair.

obliging and dutiful

Richard Lambert, the Special Agent in Charge of the FBI's Knoxville field office, was previously assigned to head up the investigation into the anthrax attacks of 2001. The case was closed this past week, just three days after I had recorded a half hour interview with Mr. Lambert. We only briefly mentioned the case. I was more interested in asking about the window of opportunity to thwart the next terrorist attack on the United States. About halfway into the show, I segued into the topic of Internet crimes.

If you're interested in law enforcement, feel free to right click here and download the podcast of my interview with Rick Lambert or hit the play button below. If you're interested in a job with the FBI, skip ahead to 22 minutes into the program to hear about the Bureau's hiring spree.

is my soul prepared

Yesterday's Ash Wednesday post generated some reaction in my email box from a local mom:

I read on your blog about Beth's problem with the public school's attendance policy. I worked with a public school as the attendance secretary, which required entering the tardies, absences and excuses. I was told that the absence or tardy was black or white. You either were or you weren't. The excused or unexcused piece is where the religious holiday allowance would come. In other words, going to the orthodontist in the morning still makes you tardy but it is excused and not held against the child. Most perfect attendance awards do not take into account tardies. When my daughter took part in the Bishop's installation, all three of my children were excused from school -- but they were still absent.

After I had uploaded the blog entry, I watched the beginning of "Jimmy Kimmel Live" and noticed that both Guillermo and Cleto Sr. were proudly wearing their ashes on national television. Too bad Joe Biden's priest merely put a thumbprint on the vice-president's forehead instead of a bold cross like Guillermo and Cleto got.

My Facebook friend count dropped by one on Wednesday. A friend from church had posted that she was giving up Facebook for Lent. I didn't realize she was going to deactivate her account.

Fr. Ragan Schriver did not give up Facebook for Lent. He is fairly new to the social networking site and has been adding friends rapidly. It's not surprising to me. Whenever we meet for dinner at Trio Café, it is impossible to walk across Market Square without meeting several people who know Fr. Ragan.

I saw a post on Fr. Ragan's wall that is worth sharing here even though it involves one of my least favorite songs of all time. When I was general manager of the student radio station at George Mason University, it was a running joke how much I hated "King of Pain" by the Police. It was overplayed by the volunteer deejays who picked their own songs.

Someone shared a link to a "King of Pain" parody called "This Time of Forty Days." Obviously the comedy stems from the line "There's a little black spot on your head today." I was amused and will look for more material online from Catholic comedian Nick Alexander. Had I known about it, I could have used his "YMCA" parody a year ago when I sponsored a friend into the church.

sacramental health

Fr. Ragan Schriver calls me an "out-of-the-closet Catholic." It's not that I'm doing anything differently than when I lived in Burbank, it's just that there are fewer Catholics in Knoxville, so my beliefs stand out from the crowd. Blog readers and radio listeners are aware of my faith, so it's no surprise that I would get an email like the following from someone I'll call "Beth."

Dear Frank,

I wanted to see how you felt about an issue that I seem to be having with the county schools. With it being Ash Wednesday, I wanted to take my children to get their ashes at morning Mass. A friend suggested I call the school to make sure that it wouldn't count against them, making them tardy. I thought for sure that it wouldn't, due to the fact it is a religious holiday. Well, I was wrong!!

First when I called the school, they had no idea what Ash Wednesday was, and didn't know how to handle my phone call. Then they passed me to the Assistant Superintendent. Well, she was no help either, asking what was Ash Wednesday and why couldn't we just go to a later Mass. I tried to tell her that the whole point was to wear your ashes all day. It isn't something you get and then go home, shower and go to bed. Then she tried to tell me it wasn't even on the calendar!!

Finally, without being able to give me an answer, she went to ask the Superintendent. When she got back, she said there was no way he would allow it. It would be marked as a tardy. At this, I was angry. How prejudiced toward us Catholics; how unfair that my children who have never been tardy this year are going to have it count against them, all because we are going to attend Mass.

I was furious. She told me that there was nothing in the county policy about excused tardiness due to a religious event. Then she told me she was sorry, you know the majority down here is Baptist not Catholic! I know that we could go to an evening Mass but that's not the point. You are SUPPOSED to get ashes in the morning and have them on your head all day as a symbol. I know that you are Catholic and I was wondering what your thoughts on this were. We are going to church at 9:00 a.m. and the kids will have to go to school late and just have it count against them.

I applaud Beth for standing up for her beliefs. I might have done the same thing if I had been in her position. In fact, I have opted out of an upcoming work-related event that conflicts with the Easter Triduum. Beth's email made me glad that my wife and I made some sacrifices to send our children to Catholic school from kindergarten through high school.

On the other hand, Ash Wednesday is not a holy day of obligation. It is actually more important for a Catholic to attend Sunday Mass. At All Saints, they must have realized that public school kids could not attend Mass until later in the day. The children's choir sang at the 5:00 p.m. service tonight. I think the public school could treat Beth's decision to take her children to Mass on Ash Wednesday the same as if they had an orthodontist appointment. They could count it as an excused absence.

Beth's email was on my mind as I attended the noon Mass at Sacred Heart Cathedral. I was struck by the seeming contradiction of today's gospel passage that instructed "wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden."

I got my ashes and wore them to my next appointments. I was reminded of my first day on the job at Comedy World, which also happened to fall on Ash Wednesday. I showed up with ashes on my head and laughed at the comments from Bobby Slayton and others.

Beth emailed me again this afternoon to say that her child's teacher tried to wipe off the ashes because she didn't know what they were. The child was smart enough and comfortable enough to stop the teacher and explain. Obviously she learned that from her mother.

horse and carriage

The celebration of World Marriage Day at All Saints Church is a good deal. If a couple will mark a significant anniversary (1, 5, 10, 15, etc.) during the year, they are invited to a nice, sit-down dinner in the parish hall. My wife and I like it so much that we volunteer to be servers on the four years between our 0s and 5s. This year's event was held on Friday night.

The evening starts in the church with a blessing from the pastor. Fr. Michael Woods likes to ask the couples where they met. My wife and I got a few chuckles when we described our meeting in a night club called the Wax Museum under the figure of Neil Armstrong.

Photo proofs from this year's dinner are now online at Boppspot.com. The cakes shown in the first few shots were made by our friend Chris Kite. My wife and I were fortunate to end up sitting at the same table as Dr. Kelly Kearse and his wife Kathy. Dr. Kearse was my son's high school chemistry teacher and helped inspire his love of science. Before the night was through, I talked a little politics with Gary Loe, who has announced his candidacy for the state House seat being vacated by the headline-grabbing Stacey Campfield.

One of the couples in attendance will celebrate their 70th anniversary in 2010. Fr. Michael had them cut the cake and got the husband to sing a little bit of "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling." When it was time to get the dancing started, a Glenn Miller song came on and Fr. Michael grabbed my wife's hand and spun her around the floor a few times. Later, she and I danced some and tried to teach others the proper hand motions for "YMCA."

don't lose your head

It's important to back up your words with actions. That's why my wife and I did our part to support the transition of Taylor Swift from singer to actress. We braved the crowds at the Regal West Town Mall 9 to see "Valentine's Day" on Valentine's Day. It turns out that a lot of the people who were there came to watch the Daytona 500 on a theater screen while enjoying pizza and beer.

The movie wasn't as bad as I feared. I had heard that it was basically a two-hour "Love Boat" episode. It finished stronger than it started, which will help generate positive word-of-mouth. The biggest disappointment was the story line involving Julia Roberts. I felt like something got edited out, such as a plausible explanation for her quick trip to Los Angeles. I expected her to at least be on her way to a wedding or funeral. My favorite story threads were those with Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel and yes, Taylor Swift.

When the movie let out, we walked through the mall in search of a kiosk offering free samples of jAVERDE flavored coffee. My friend Lissa has suggested several times that I try it. Of the four I tasted, Shell Shock was the best. The clerk told me that they plan to open a store across from Food City on Middlebrook Pike in a space vacated by Bear Creek Coffee.

What's Valentine's Day without chocolate? Earlier in the day, my wife surprised me with a heart-shaped box of hand-dipped truffles that she bought from Belle's Sweet Boutique. The proprietor, Ann Douglas, is an acquaintance of hers. The candies are truffle-licious.

tell me ma

Fr. Michael Woods mentioned both Amy Brace and Ashley Reisser in his homily at the 5:00 p.m. Mass tonight. He told a beautiful story about Ashley's mother, who told him she hopes they never find the men who ran from the car that dragged her daughter. She imagines that they are probably scared and praying for Ashley's continued recovery.

Although we had originally planned on eating at home, my wife and I ended up going out to dinner after Mass. We went with my wife's mother and brother, who had stopped off on their way from Virginia to Georgia. They were here on Valentine's weekend last year too and we waited a long time to be seated at Mimi's Café.

This year, I chose a place where the tables would turn over fairly quickly. We went to Hard Knox Pizzeria and used a gift certificate that I had purchased for half price (plus service charge) from the radio station's website. It's a place I've wanted to try since I first heard of it last year.

Fr. Michael was able to join us for dinner before having to head back to All Saints to give a blessing at the Mardi Gras dance which benefits Catholic Charities of East Tennessee. I asked him about Vols coach Derek Dooley, whose parents were parishioners of Fr. Michael's during his days in Athens. He said he had received a response from the coach, who indicated he would bring his parents by the church when they visit Knoxville. As the conversation turned to other topics, Fr. Michael mentioned that there is an old YouTube video of him singing at a biker bar. Why? It was to raise money for the Ulster Project.

school shooting

The talk at church tonight, as it has been all throughout Knoxville today, was yesterday's shooting of the principal and assistant principal of Inskip Elementary School. The members of All Saints Church were especially concerned since assistant principal Amy Brace is the daughter of fellow parishioners Jim and Connie Brace. Dr. Jim Brace is the associate dean of the College of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Tennessee.

One of the choir members prepared special "prayer blankets" for the two victims. The blanket is a symbol of the prayers being offered by church members. The people on the prayer chain at All Saints had heard some possible details of the attack. Assuming their information is accurate, it sounds like Amy Brace is lucky to be alive. They report that she has a through-and-through gunshot wound on her forearm and that a bullet grazed her scalp without penetrating her skull. One parishioner wondered if Amy's arm slowed or deflected the bullet enough to keep it out of her brain.

Principal Elisa Luna's injuries are more serious. Countless prayers are being offered for her recovery too.

on fire!

David Letterman and Jay Leno get all the attention but the best gig in television may actually belong to Regis Philbin. The hours aren't bad and he gets to work with a great co-host, Kelly Ripa. Philbin was born a year before my father and has been on the air since before I was born. Like my parents, he is from The Bronx. In fact, he went to the same high school as two of my uncles.

This morning I got to live out a little bit of my Regis fantasy right here in Knoxville. Two months ago when I was a guest on "Eleven O'clock Rock," the producers at Knoxivi told me that co-host Brent Thompson would be taking a few days off when his wife delivered their baby. They offered me the opportunity to fill in as one of their guest co-hosts. I got the call last week that today would be the day.

It was an absolute pleasure to work with Lauren Lazarus, who made things very easy for me. She was willing to go along with my idea for a cold open that referenced couple of yesterday's Super Bowl ads, especially the commercial for Snickers.



The show streams live each weekday at 11:00 a.m. To view today's episode in the archives, go to http://knoxivi.com/eleven/ and click on Monday and then on 02/08/2010. You can also get information about the show on Facebook and Twitter.

The musical guest was Davis Mitchell from the band Dishwater Blonde. He performed some of his solo material, which had a nice Christian feel to it. Mitchell is a music minister at Knoxlife Church, which usually meets at Remedy Coffee in the Old City.

During the show, I got to interview Jeff Joslin, who directed the movie I was in last year. We talked about how Jeff got "Fish Bait" off the ground and how he is writing a sequel. Before the show ended, Jeff texted me and offered up a special link for viewers to buy the DVD and soundtrack for only ten bucks.



Jeff told me that he and his New York-based pals plan to make another spoof music video soon. He recently posted an amusing parody of Jordin Sparks' "No Air" on YouTube. It's about a follically challenged man and it's called (you guessed it) "No Hair."

go or geaux?

Although it really doesn't matter to me who wins the Super Bowl, I do want to pick a team and root for them tomorrow. I like both the Colts and the Saints and will have to dig a little deeper to find a preference.

The Colts are especially popular in Knoxville because of Peyton Manning. My friends outside Tennessee might not realize that he is a former UT Volunteer. In addition to all his national endorsements, he turns up on local TV in commercials for Mercy Health Partners. I am impressed with the star quarterback's ability, even if he is a little OCPD.

The City of Indianapolis also has something going for it in my book. One of the boxes in my basement contains the key to the city. Don & Mike and I each received a key when we did a remote broadcast from Indy at the invitation of then-mayor William Hudnut.

Although it has been many years, the Colts lose some points for the way they abandoned Baltimore. They should have left their name and colors behind like the Browns did when they ditched Cleveland. Instead of becoming the Ravens, the old Browns should now be the Colts.

The storyline of the Saints is appealing to me. I like that they were one of the last five teams to have never reached a Super Bowl. Their dedicated fans have been waiting a long time to win a championship. It's almost like the Red Sox or Cubs winning the World Series.

I've been to New Orleans a few times for the Morning Show Boot Camp convention and absolutely loved it. I like going to the Acme Oyster House and getting on their webcam. I love the Bananas Foster at Brennan's and just about anything étouffée at just about any restaurant in the French quarter.

So who's it going to be? Do I cheer for Peyton, whose work ethic and incredible ability I respect and admire? Or do I go with the feel-good story of New Orleans? Maybe I'll think about it tomorrow morning while I'm waiting for Mass to begin at All Saints Church. Hmmm... maybe I just decided.

tell me why

Congratulations to Brent Thompson and his wife who had their baby yesterday. Brent is co-host of Eleven O'clock Rock, the daily streaming video show that emanates from Market Square.

The baby's birth didn't sneak up on them. When I was a guest on the show in December, Brent and co-host Lauren Lazarus said I could fill in for him one day while he was on paternity leave. Turns out they weren't just being nice. I got the call from Jessie Greene, one of the directors, asking if I could be the guest co-host on Monday.

They were still in the process of booking guest for the show. In addition to a musical performer, they wanted somebody for the "Movie Monday" segment. I unabashedly offered up "Fish Bait" director Jeff Joslin, who will join us via Skype at 11:27 a.m.

If you can arrange your schedule to be downtown between 11 a.m. and 12 noon on Monday, c'mon by and get some food at The Lunchbox, which shares space with the studio. Otherwise you can watch "Eleven O'clock Rock" at knoxivi.com.

fight to life

Father Michael Woods commented on the influence of social media during his homily at today's 11:45 Mass at All Saints Church. He had just returned from visiting Ashley Reisser and her family at UT Medical Center. The Maryville High School senior was critically injured in a wreck on an icy Pellissippi Parkway last night.

The story in the Knoxville News Sentinel spells out some of the horrific details. Ashley and her friends got out of her car after a fender bender, as did the driver of the other vehicle. Two other cars, a Mitsubishi and a Honda, also slid on the ice and collided with each other. The cars in the second crash hit Ashley and her friends and then hit the other driver from the first crash as he tried to help the girls. The red Mitsubishi drove away. The men in the Honda got out and ran. Knoxville Police are looking for a red Mitsubishi Eclipse with Tennessee license plate 825-SQP. It should have a broken left rear taillight and damage to the passenger side.

I first heard about the wreck from Ashley's brother-in-law, who is a good friend of mine. I was his RCIA sponsor last Easter. He is a parishioner at Sacred Heart Cathedral and needed to know how to contact a priest at All Saints, where the Reissers go. I texted Fr. Michael Woods, who was able to visit the hospital after the 8:15 Mass.

I told Fr. Michael about a Facebook page that had sprung up overnight. By 10:30 a.m., 1,578 members had joined the group "Pray for Ashley Reisser and everyone involved in the wreck." As of this writing, the membership has climbed to 3,881. Fr. Michael mentioned the group in his homily and told how the family was touched by the outpouring of prayers online.

Some reporters from WATE saw my prayer requests on Twitter and Facebook and asked me to put them in touch with the family. The story just aired on tonight's 11:00 p.m. news. A reporter from The Daily Times in Maryville posted her phone number on the Facebook wall, inviting family members to call her for a story to be in Monday's paper.

I was impressed by the "retweets" of the prayer requests. Some were by a morning deejay at a Christian radio station and one was by an outfit called Prayer Network. At least two others helped spread the word too.

The family members have posted some encouraging news on Facebook. Her sister wrote that Ashley probably should not have survived the crash but instead is showing some improvement. Although Ashley has a fractured skull and several other broken bones, doctors are optimistic for her recovery. The power of prayer is strong.

snow leopard

Abby Ham realized the problem right away. She knew some blog readers will mistakenly assume I have a shoe fetish. However her choice of footwear on a cold, slushy day makes it worth the risk.



Abby and her husband stopped by while I was working at the radio station's booth at the Healthy Living Expo. One of the first things she said was that she had worn the wrong shoes for the weather. I told her about the last three times the shoes of local news anchors had appeared on my blog. She agreed that it would still be funny to add her pumps to my online collection.



Of all the supermarkets in Knoxville, it made sense that Earth Fare would be the one with a booth at the Healthy Living Expo. I tried several of their free samples, including coffee from the Vienna Coffee Company in Maryville and chocolate milk from Cruze Farm in Knoxville.

One of the last things you might expect to see at the Healthy Living Expo would be a group of zombies. However when the familiar notes of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" played over the speakers, the zombies literally crawled out from under the tables. One or two of them grabbed my legs as they crawled to the stage where they did an outstanding job of replicating the dance from the music video.

audio killed the video star

The digital TV transition last year prompted me to put a WiFi clock radio on my Christmas wish list. I wanted a way to listen to news during the 4:00 a.m. hour, which I used to do when WATE's analog signal could be heard on 87.7 FM. I now wake up to WTOP from Washington, DC.

When I have a few extra minutes, I've been scouring through the source codes for two radio stations' websites hoping to find a hidden URL that will work on my Sanyo device. I got 101.5 FM The Music Place to stream successfully but not WINC-FM. I will keep trying because WINC is my station of choice in Northern Virginia.

I have also been adding more stations and podcasts to the subfolders on my radio via Reciva.com. As I was scrolling through the thousands of available choices, I noticed that the TV audio streams from CNN and MSNBC are available.

Because I've heard that WiMAX is in our future and that we will all have Internet radio in our cars someday, I think it would be a good idea for local television stations to offer streaming audio of their newscasts. I could easily fall back into my old habit of listening to WATE. A local gospel station simulcasts WVLT's noon news, which is good if I happen to be in the car during those 25 minutes. WBIR has a cable channel called 10News2 that repeats their most recent newscast until the next one comes along. I think its audio would be ideal for Internet streaming. Who's with me?

heck of a job, brownie

Chef Walter is a favorite of mine. I try to watch his daily cooking segment as often as possible on the noon news. Several of his recipes have even inspired me to write blog posts, most recently the egg nog cake. Because I like him, I'm a little sorry to throw him under the bus for today's segment. However, I think that broadcasters can learn from it. The lesson is how not to interview kids.

Kids can be great interviewees because of their honesty. Google Art Linkletter if you need proof. Because they may not have their BS generators turned on yet, they can't be expected to fill in the blanks. When you ask a child a yes or no question, you'll get a yes or no answer.

Today's recipe looked promising. Who wouldn't want to try brownies with Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies mixed in? An actual Girl Scout stood alongside Chef Walter while he mixed the ingredients. It would have been nice if he had let her stir or at least pour something into the bowl but he did not.

At one point, he almost asked a question that did not require a yes or no answer and then changed it! He said, "Tell me about... I understand there's at least one new cookie this year, is that right?" She said, "Yes." After an awkward pause, Walter asked, "What is that cookie?" The girl replied, "It's the Thank U Berry Munch and it tastes like..." Walter cut her off and said "I just wanted to hear her say it, I knew that already. Say that again, Thank U Berry Munch is that right?"

Chef Walter also failed to answer the number one question on my mind. Would the recipe work with Samoas?

to blog or not to blog

Have Twitter and Facebook taken the spotlight away from blogs? My friend Bean, for example, gave up his blog in favor of Twitter. However, several blog writers use Facebook or Twitter as a way to disseminate links to their latest blog entries.

Once again, the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra has a nice treat for those of us who have stood by our blogs. They are offering a pair of tickets to their "Shakespeare in Love" concert on Thursday, February 25th in exchange for a blog entry about the experience. Tweets and Facebook status updates don't count. To qualify, blogs must be public and must be updated at least once a month.

The program promises to be a fun one to write about. It features actors from the Clarence Brown Theatre reciting lines from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" as the orchestra plays Mendelssohn’s work. Women from the Knoxville Chamber Chorale will sing during that piece as well.

Even those with very little exposure to classical music will recognize parts of the "Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture" by Tchaikovsky. I remember it from a TV commercial for a record album that ran repeatedly on New York television when I was young.

Bloggers who feel they are up to the challenge can contact Stephanie Burdette with the URL to their blog. It would also be nice if you share the link to this post with your friends who might be interested. You can go ahead and use Twitter or Facebook for that.

become a fan

The rebuilt Weigel's on Fox Lonas Road has been open about a month. It's been at least that long since I went in and took pictures on my way home from the roast of Fr. Ragan Schriver. I know from past experience that they offer deep discounts on milk and gasoline during their official grand opening celebrations. As a result, I was excited to hear that this past Wednesday was finally the day.

I had been meaning to stop off at any Weigel's for a few days prior. My wife had filled out an application for their new Rewards Card and I was supposed to drop it off as soon as I found our old paper card, which I had given to my daughter while she was in town and hadn't put back in my wallet right away. The clerk at Weigel's told my wife that the milk purchases represented by the punched-out holes on the paper version would be credited to the fancy new electronic card. Once I buy 16 gallons of milk, the 17th is free.

On my way home from work on Wednesday, I took a slight detour to the new store. I saw a large inflatable Blue Rhino and a vehicle from a competing radio station. I thought that maybe I could get in and get out quickly and quietly. Not so much.

I parked in front of the store and took my Rewards Card application inside. I wanted to turn in the form, buy some skim milk and top off my gas tank. In order to put both purchases on the same credit card transaction, I had to go back outside and pump the gas before buying the milk. My conversation with the sales clerk drew the attention of Kurt Weigel, who kindly remembered me from my remote broadcast at a different store in his chain.

I chatted with Kurt about the two types of ice at the new store and how my wife prefers crushed ice in her Diet Pepsi with a little Diet Coke mixed in. I asked if he would be offering any sort of coffee refill program like his main competitor does. He said it would probably be included on the new Rewards Card in the future. I also dropped a hint that he should put some coupons on Facebook like they do.

Because I was off from work yesterday, the hunt was on for free coffee. With apologies to my new pal Kurt, I did go to Pilot and use the coupons I got from their Facebook page. Three times.

mid-season replacements

Two of Knoxville's biggest parishes will get new leaders on February 1. News of the changes was released today. Bishop Richard Stika acknowledged that the timing is unusual but necessary to accommodate a priest who needs to care for his mother and a convent that needs a chaplain.

At St. John Neumann, the ornate church that looks like a cathedral, Fr. Patrick Garrity replaces Fr. John Dowling. I imagine that one of his top priorities will be to get a rectory built on the parish property. A residence for the priests was somehow not included when the massive new church opened just over a year ago. Fr. Dowling goes to St. Francis of Assisi in Fairfield Glade.

At Sacred Heart, the cathedral that looks like an ordinary church, Fr. David Boettner replaces Msgr. Al Humbrecht as rector. Technically the title of pastor of a cathedral is held by the bishop. I suspect that Fr. Boettner will be in charge of building a new cathedral that looks like a cathedral in the big hollow space in front of the current structure. Msgr. Al heads to Holy Spirit in Soddy-Daisy.

Fr. Joe Brando comes out of retirement to become pastor of St. Mary in Gatlinburg. It doesn't sound like a bad gig, considering how many other people love to retire in the Smokies.

ring in the new

There's a lyric at the beginning of a bad song by Britney Spears called "Circus" that resonates with me nevertheless: "There's only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe."

For the second year in a row, Einstein Simplified was invited to perform during First Night Knoxville, the family-friendly event in and around Market Square. We drew a standing-room-only crowd to an auditorium in the TVA West Tower despite competing with a Tennessee Vols bowl game. I find it much more fun to entertain than to stay home and observe "New Year's Rockin' Eve."



After the two performances, I did get to do a little observing. A pair of fire jugglers were doing their tricks on a street corner. They dropped their batons quite a bit and I probably wouldn't mention them at all except that I liked the effect of the slow shutter speed on the pictures I took with a used camera that I got from a reader in a pay-it-forward deal. I tried taking a picture of the jugglers' faces but they had spun 180° by the time the camera registered the push of my finger on the button.



First Night events throughout the country are intended to be alcohol-free. However as midnight approached, people who had been drinking spilled out of the surrounding bars and into Market Square. I think it would be impossible to prevent, even if you had a cop at every bar. Like us sober folks, they just wanted to see the ball drop and the fireworks rise.

need to venti

As a coffee novice, I was surprised and a tad disillusioned by what my daughter told me. We were sitting in a booth in the Market Square storefront shared by Knoxivi and The Lunchbox after watching Internet sensation Julia Nunes perform on Eleven o'Clock Rock. You might recall me mentioning her appearance three weeks ago. I borrowed my daughter's camera to grab a picture while Julia was singing.



My daughter bought herself a coffee, which came with one of those cardboard wraparounds that had the Seattle's Best Coffee logo on it. While it's old news to most people, I had no idea that Seattle's Best is owned by Starbucks. It seemed weird to me that Starbucks didn't change their subsidiary's name to "Seattle's Second Best Coffee." When my wife and son asked why I looked so confused, I said it was like finding out that Coke owned Pepsi or that McDonald's owned Burger King.

So if Seattle's Best is not a competitor of Starbucks, who does truly compete with the coffee giant on a national scale? The best my family and I could come up with was Panera Bread and Dunkin' Donuts. I remember a place in L.A. called The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf but it's not national. My son said there's a place called Kaldi's in Missouri and my daughter mentioned a joint called Caribou Coffee, which has stores in 16 states. Where do you like to get your caffeine?

Meanwhile, my free coffee quest continues. I scored freebies from Starbucks and from Seattle's Best this fall. Tonight I got a coupon for a free cup at Pilot just by becoming their fan on Facebook. Hey Weigel's, couldn't you do the same thing on your page?

stingray sold separately

The challenge in finding a Christmas gift for my friend Bean is getting something unusual that he doesn't have. One year I was at the Post Office and saw a CD of Christmas music he would enjoy. He already had it. Last year I saw a unique Santa figurine in a wig shop on Gay Street. It was perfect.



A few weeks ago my family and I went out to dinner with a friend on Market Square. Afterward, we browsed in some of the shops. A certain package in Earth to Old City grabbed my attention. I don't know if the Steve Irwin action figure was made before or after the adventurer's death but I couldn't resist buying it for Bean.

cold turkey

After playing holiday music for the last month, or in some cases two months, the all-Christmas radio stations across America will cut us off tonight. For one station in Knoxville, it's a good thing. For another, it's too soon for me. I even went so far as to suggest via Facebook that Love 89 keep Christmas hymns on the air for another twelve days, mixed in with their regular playlist. It might keep more seasonal listeners around for their "30 Day Challenge."

For Catholics like me, Advent, the season of anticipation, ended yesterday. The Christmas season started last night and runs until the celebration of the Baptism of the Lord. When the choir at All Saints Church wanted to repeat last year's Christmas Cantata during Advent, our pastor said no, it had to be during the Christmas season. You can come hear it for free on January 8 at 7:30 p.m. and January 10 at 2:30 p.m.

Love 89 normally plays Christian light rock. During Advent, they mix in a lot of secular tunes by Christian artists, which is how I discovered that I loved "Sleigh Ride" by Relient K and "Jingle Bells" by Denver & the Mile High Orchestra. Starting tomorrow those secular songs will get a rest until next year. I wish Love 89 would continue playing their versions of some traditional carols like a new favorite I heard for the first time this year, "O Holy Night" by Point of Grace.

Nationwide, Christmas airplay is dominated by non-religious songs. It's been that way for years. The list that ASCAP releases annually changes very little from year to year. The only religious entry on list of the top holiday songs of the decade is "Little Drummer Boy."

My love of Christmas music is connected to my enjoyment of cover songs. It's fantastic to hear an artist improve upon a previous recording. Even "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" can be re-done brilliantly, as it was by Poe. The Brian Setzer Orchestra regularly updates Christmas classics. The one good cover song I "discovered" on our local commercial holiday station this year was "Feliz Navidad" by Jon Secada. Yes, Mr. Deejay, that was me calling on the request line to ask for the artist's name.

Unfortunately, cover songs can also go horribly wrong. One of my favorite songs, "Baby It's Cold Outside" was ruined by the clash of Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton's voices. Porky Pig's version of "Blue Christmas" might be funny once but it does not hold up to repeated airplay. Because of the atrocious lyrics, I doubt any artist could salvage "The Christmas Shoes." Only Patton Oswalt's hysterical but very R-rated deconstruction is worth a listen.

once was lost, now is found

Each December, the news is full of stories about baby Jesus figures that have been stolen from nativity scenes around the world. The phenomenon is so common, it has its own Wikipedia page!

Today I received a phone call from a listener who had discovered a plastic Jesus close to her home. It was abandoned in the Kings Gate subdivision, near the Ingles in Farragut. She said it has a hole in the back for a light bulb. I asked her to send me a picture so I could post it online and perhaps find the rightful owner. You can help by forwarding this blog post to anyone you know in the area.



PS: I did not ask why her bedsheets resemble a Twister board.

sync or swim

The technological challenge of presenting the Living Christmas Tree in a basketball arena is mind-boggling. I was impressed with the professional caliber of the performance. It's as good a show as you would expect to see at a theater in Nashville or a theme park in Orlando. Was it too good to be true?

As I watched the program yesterday, I wondered where they placed the microphones for all the singers in the enormous, tree-shaped riser. Some of the soloists had flesh-colored headset mics on their cheeks. I thought about how many wireless channels it would take to collect the sound from the hundreds of cast members.



My suspicions were confirmed today by someone who attended the matinee performance on Sunday. She has a friend who played in the sizable live orchestra. The friend told her that the acoustics of Thompson-Boling Arena would make it impossible for all the musicians and singers to play and sing together. The distance between the orchestra pit and the singers in the tree would create an audio delay. As a result, the musicians and most of the singers pre-record their parts in October. A few of the soloists sing live with the recorded track. The rest of the singers and musicians aren't just mouthing the words or playing air guitar. They do actually sing along and play along with themselves but without microphones.

Armed with this information, am I surprised? A little. Am I disappointed? No. Do I regret going to the show last year or this year? No. Will I go again next year? Absolutely.

under (-utilized) the tree

Christmas is the second most important celebration in Christianity. The annual Living Christmas Tree performance recognized that fact as their nativity pageant turned into a passion play. I had a great time at last year's show and was anxious to see it again.

Imagine that your church decided to put on a nativity pageant and that it grew in popularity over time. It relocated from the church to a theater that still wasn't big enough. Eventually it found a home at a large basketball arena. The demand for tickets is so great that five shows are scheduled each year. That's what happened at Sevier Heights Baptist Church, which works all year to prepare for their annual festivities at Thompson-Boling Arena.



The show started with a series of songs that would fit right in on a secular all-Christmas radio station. A huge group of kids sang about toys and Santa sang that he was "back in town." They segued quickly into a reenactment of the first Christmas. My son wondered how they chose the real baby who played Jesus. Rehearsals for the Living Christmas Tree begin each July. They must put out a casting call for pregnant women who are due around Thanksgiving.



The story didn't stop with the infant Jesus. It picked up with John the Baptist (duh) who sang a solo before he immersed Jesus in a pool of real water. Jesus cast out demons, cured a blind girl and raised another girl from the dead during an upbeat musical number. During the Last Supper, they sang "I Am the Bread of Life," which I recognized from the Catholic hymnals. It was a little odd to see the giant Christmas tree as the backdrop for scenes of the crucifixion and the resurrection.



There is one more performance of this year's Living Christmas Tree. In addition to everything I've mentioned, there is also a good sermon from evangelist Jose Zayas. The only thing I don't understand is why they ask people to leave the arena for one-on-one counseling before the much-hyped grand finale featuring the Hallelujah Chorus. As usual, the audience stood.

to light and guard

One of the best Christmas traditions in East Tennessee is the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra's 23rd Annual Clayton Holiday Concerts at the Knoxville Civic Auditorium. My wife sings with the Knoxville Choral Society, which is featured in 12 of the 16 numbers on this year's program. There are four performances, the first of which was tonight.

Aside from my obvious bias toward the KCS, the star of the show each year is Santa Claus, who has one of the finest baritone voices you'll ever hear. He sings a couple of songs about angels, including "An Angel Gets Its Wings," which is inspired by Zuzu's famous line from "It's a Wonderful Life." The Sound Company Children's Choir and the Appalachian Ballet Company also performed during some of the songs.

One of the Symphony's musicians writes a blog about their concerts. She wrote about how it's the best week of the season and gave some behind the scenes reports from the rehearsals this past week.

The audience oohed and aahed during a slide show of dogs, cats and rabbits available for adoption from the Young-Williams Animal Center. My contact at the KSO, Stephanie Burdette, got a nice shout out from the Maestro for the work she did compiling a slide show of angel drawings by local schoolkids.

My wife drove herself to the concert while I waited for our son to arrive home from college. He and I left the house less than five minutes after he arrived. We used the pair of press tickets I had obtained. After intermission, my son asked why we all stood during the "Hallelujah Chorus." I explained that there was no good reason except perhaps that King George once needed to stretch his legs.

hear the angels' voices

Logan Murrell's performance of "I'll Be Home for Christmas" wowed me and everyone else at the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra's Clayton Holiday Concert three years ago. I wrote a blog post about it in which I predicted that Logan will someday be as famous as Leann Rimes. Her rendition of "O Holy Night" was fairly spectacular too.



About two months ago I received an email from Julie Murrell, Logan's mother. She said that a family member had discovered my blog post and shared it with Logan. Our conversation continued a month later when I met the Murrells at the March of Dimes Celebrity Chefs Auction. She said it was one thing for grandparents and relatives to praise Logan but even better to receive positive feedback from an outsider like me.



Julie had also read on my blog that I am a fan of Christmas music. She thought I might enjoy Logan's Christmas album. She gave me a copy, which I put in my car's CD player.

A week or so ago, I was talking about Christmas music with the program director of the country station in the cluster where I work. I had noticed that he's been playing Taylor Swift's cover of "Last Christmas." As the conversation progressed, I mentioned Logan Murrell and he remembered seeing her perform at the March of Dimes event. I retrieved her CD from my car and skimmed through the tracks with him. His programming "ears" perked up when we got to "I'll Be Home for Christmas." He agreed with me that it was hard to believe Logan was only 11 when she recorded the album. The good news is that he plans to give the song some airplay. Even though I don't normally listen to country music, I plan on tuning in to Q93 with the hope of hearing Logan on the radio.