song choice

Adam Golka almost made us late for The Breakfast Club. The piano virtuoso was practically forced to play an encore by Maestro Lucas Richman. My wife and I attended last night's performance by the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra. The second half of the concert was Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3. Guest artist Golka tore the roof off the place with his performance. He received an immediate standing ovation and while the applause was still loud and strong, Richman literally pushed the 22-year-old back to the piano bench. I've been to the symphony dozens of times and had not seen this happen before. Golka launched into an opus by Schubert as the orchestra members watched silently.

Between pieces in the first half of the show, the Maestro greeted the audience and thanked the sponsors as usual. He also got in a plug for his participation in Star 102.1's Dancing with the Knoxville Stars. I found it funny when he urged the symphony audience to go to the radio station's website, where they can find the link to donate in his name. I assumed that most of the crowd had no idea what he was talking about but I may have been wrong.

At intermission, web-connected cell phones were glowing and the Tennessee Theatre was buzzing with news of the Tennessee Vols. Their Sweet Sixteen game against Ohio State was nearing its conclusion. I heard one man say that he had smuggled in a radio with an earphone to listen to the game. Local PR executive Alan Carmichael let me look over his shoulder as he checked Twitter on his smartphone. That's how I learned that the Vols won just before intermission ended. The news spread to the audience as the musicians were tuning up for the Rachmaninoff concerto and a cheer erupted. I sent Carmichael and his wife, Cynthia Moxley, a message suggesting that the orchestra should launch into "Rocky Top."

Golka's encore meant that my wife and I didn't get to the Valarium until after 10:30. I thought we had missed the start of The Breakfast Club show but their opening act was still on its last song when we arrived. The popular '80s cover band hit the stage a short while later. My wife and I figured that they probably save all the best songs for last. Except for "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)," I didn't hear any of my favorites during the first set, although the other fans seemed more than ready to Wang Chung last night.

anchors aweigh

"Wow, that photo is like your dreams come to life! Nice," said the message from my friend Bean, who had just seen a picture I posted to Twitter. Three morning news anchors from three different television stations had come in to be interviewed about their participation in Star 102.1's Dancing with the Knoxville Stars.

I danced in last year's version of the event and my wife made a donation to East Tennessee Children's Hospital on my behalf. Each dollar raised by the dancers counts as one vote toward their total. My wife and I will donate again this year and I thought we might divide our dollars evenly between the fundraising pages for Tearsa Smith, Abby Ham and Allison Kropff. On Monday night my wife came home from a Knoxville Choral Society rehearsal with a different idea. She would donate to Lucas Richman's account.

I should have thought of that sooner. After all, the Maestro is dancing with Emily Loyless, the new co-owner of Academy Ballroom, who was my partner last year. Also, I'm the one who invited Lucas to participate via Stephanie Burdette, the Knoxville Symphony's director of communications. On top of all that, Richman's total is lagging behind the TV women, who have been tirelessly promoting the event on their newscasts.

sweet seventeenth

No matter how late or how early Easter is each year, my wife's birthday always falls during Lent. As a result, we plan our Lenten sacrifices to exclude a sweet treat on her special day. This year's celebration was delayed because she's had a cold. We went out to dinner tonight and then someplace else to get dessert.

My Facebook and Twitter feeds had several posts about free Italian ice today at all Rita's Ice locations. Apparently it's a first day of spring tradition at the Philadelphia-based chain. This year, they have teamed up with another famous Pennsylvania company to create a special flavor that I had to experience for myself. I talked my wife into going to Rita's on Market Square tonight.

The store was crowded when we arrived. My wife wisely chose the sugar-free tangerine flavor while I took a cup of the new Peeps Ice. I expected it to be very sweet since the real Peeps are not just marshmallows but sugar-coated marshmallows. Unfortunately they added a vanilla flavoring that didn't work for me. It was as if I suddenly understood all the negative things people have said to me over the years about my love of Marshmallow Peeps.

The ice was sickeningly sweet. I don't believe it to be an accurate representation of a standard Peep, which I still crave. Maybe they were trying to make it more like the vanilla-crème flavored marshmallows that they sell for Valentine's Day, which I don't enjoy.

Rita's still has plenty of good flavors. Peeps Ice just isn't one of them. Next Saturday they will give away chocolate-covered Peeps at Rita's. I had one of those in January and loved it.

without a net

Skydiving and bungee jumping will never appeal to me. I wonder if the rush that you get from surviving is similar to the feeling I had last night when I stepped off the stage at the benefit dinner for Catholic Charities of East Tennessee. Event chair Tami Hartmann asked me to auction off an expensive bottle of Beaux Frères wine and then auction off dinner for ten with Bishop Stika right there in front of Bishop Stika.

Cynthia Moxley and Alan Carmichael were seated front and center. I joked that I might finally rate a mention in Cynthia's Blue Streak blog, which was recognized by the News Sentinel's readers last fall. She wrote about the dinner and included a photo of me in full auction action.

At the time, I thought my anxiety came from doing shtick in front of the Bishop and so many priests and people I knew from church. In hindsight, I realize that my jokes were no worse than the things I said at the roast for Fr. Ragan Schriver. For example, I said that whoever bought the pricey Pinot Noir should share it with Bishop Stika because it was heart-healthy. I also said that I hoped someone from my parish would buy the dinner and once everyone was relaxed and in a good mood, they would lobby the Bishop for an additional priest to be sent to All Saints, which now has only two left. However, I can't remember most of the things I said. Fr. Christian Mathis, who recognized me from my blog, posted one of my jokes on Twitter. If you were there last night and can help me fill in the blanks, please leave a comment here.

The Bishop graciously accepted my wisecracks and afterward asked if I had previous auctioning experience. I told him it was actually my first time and that I had tried to copy Bear Stephenson, the great auctioneer at the March of Dimes Signature Chefs Auction. I still have a lot to learn. I think my case of nerves happened when the bidding for the dinner at any Connor Concepts restaurant slowed and eventually stopped at $3,500. I guess I was hoping for more.

twoscars

The Academy Awards are just wrapping up as I write this. Thankfully, "Avatar" did not win Best Picture as many thought it might when the nominations were first announced. The momentum for "The Hurt Locker" has been unstoppable lately and it wasn't too surprising that it claimed the top trophy.

They say that to truly be the best picture, a film should also win the award for best director. Kathryn Bigelow proved that old adage true tonight. Another old saying is that before it goes on the stage, it has to be on the page. In my opinion, the best picture winner should also have picked up one of the two screenwriting awards earlier in the night. "The Hurt Locker" won for Original Screenplay. "Avatar" wasn't even nominated in a writing category.

As has become my new favorite pastime during award shows and major sporting events, I enjoyed reading and posting comments on Twitter. Here are a few things I wrote during the Oscars tonight:

• I'm glad Sandra Bullock won. Meryl Streep should have won last year for "Doubt." I can't even remember who beat her.
• In Memoriam, a/k/a the awkward smatterings of applause
• Woohoo! My favorite part! In memoriam!!
• Sarah Jessica Parker as a clothes horse? Unfortunate choice of words.
• All night the live audio at the Oscars has been bugging me. Is something wrong with their stage mic?
• Wait, you're telling me that Avatar was NOT nominated for best adapted screenplay based on the movie "Pocahontas" by Disney?
• My wife & I are considering paying the $6 for "A Serious Man" via On Demand
• What award did Joy Behar just win? I'm confused.
• "Logorama" looks like one of those maps you get from the car rental agency or the motel when you go on vacation.
• If each death from 2009 gets this much time, it's going to be the longest "in memoriam" segment ever.
• I saw it, I'm just saying Academy is over its SciFi quota RT @clydetombaugh if you don't think "District 9" deserved Best Picture nod...
• They have the guy from "Star Trek," which should have been nominated, introducing the film that likely stole Trek's spot.
• Best picture of the year, "Up," just won its award.
• Squirrel!
• NPH steals the Oscar gig!!
• Why don't they have TV pros asking the questions? RT @MarkNagi Kathy Ireland throwing softball questions is like Verne interviewing Tebow

Sedaka is back

The audience at tonight's Einstein Simplified show probably did not know that I have two autographed Captain & Tennille records in my possession. In fact, they didn't originally mean for me to reference Tennille at all.



In a game called "Hitchhiker," I was playing a guy with a glandular problem who was trying to get to Newark. The suggestion shouted out from the audience was probably "pineal gland" but the words sounded garbled by the time they made it from the audience to the stage. When one of my Twitter pals in the crowd shouted "Tennille gland," that was all we needed to hear. I had to get another actor to guess Newark and Tennille gland without using any of those words.

I made reference to already having had my Daryl Dragon removed. I said that my problem was originally discovered at the Smoke House in Encino and that I was now trying to get to a "secrete" location. There were several Muskrat mentions and even a "por amor viviremos" thrown in for good measure.

blog blah blah

The response to this year's blogger night at the Knoxville Symphony was somewhat less than last year. The free tickets were limited to active bloggers. Stephanie Burdette and I speculated that the decrease may have been due to the rising popularity of Twitter. As you can imagine, "tweeting" during a concert at the Tennessee Theatre would be disruptive. Stephanie tells me that plans are in the works for a "twymphony" concert at an outdoor venue.

Former Knoxville news anchor Stacy McCloud is active on Facebook and Twitter. She often posts updates about the celebrities she meets through her new job as the entertainment reporter at Fox 17 in Nashville. Recently Stacy and I have been corresponding about her desire to write more than 140 characters on certain topics. I advised her to go ahead and do it. She decided to start a personal blog for her non-work-related thoughts at www.simplystacy.com.

Jane Reed, a blogger in Cuba, Missouri, emailed me today. She had written an entry about the World's Largest Rocking Chair and included links to my post about the chair. I wonder if I can persuade her to link to my posts about Oreo pancakes and Cuba's murals.

nock nock jokes

The voice cast alone would have been enough to get me to watch the new adult cartoon "Archer." The outrageous comedy material has me hooked on the new FX series. I was happy to learn tonight that the show has been renewed for a second season.

I have been a fan of Aisha Tyler since she first showed up as a guest on the old Comedy World Radio Network. A year later, she went on to success as the host of "Talk Soup." I spent a memorable night barhopping in the French Quarter with Aisha and three of her fellow Morning Show Boot Camp panelists. Aisha provides the voice of curvaceous spy Lana Kane.

Two cast members of the late, great "Arrested Development" are regulars on "Archer." Jessica Walter plays Archer's mother Malory and Judy Greer plays Cheryl Carol. Jeffrey Tambor turned up as a guest star in at least one episode.

Chris Parnell plays Cyril. My wife and I saw him sing a song about Ohio at The Groundlings before he was ever on "Saturday Night Live."

I was late coming to the "Archer" party. A short item on Twitter last Thursday inspired me to sample the show and I'm glad I did. A couple of times I have thought about recommending the series to my son but then an offensive joke comes along and reminds me of my parental responsibility. So, I will not be advising my son to catch up with the episodes on Fancast.com. Nor will I suggest that he watch the four-episode mini-marathon on Thursday night. He'll have to find the show on his own, without any help from me.

blizzard treats

For the most part, this weekend was spent waiting for the Super Bowl and experiencing the DC area snowstorm via social media. Since Friday, my Twitter and Facebook feeds have been filled with photos of the Snowtorious B.I.G.

Aspiring TV writer Mike Nelson is currently working as a production assistant on "The Real World Washington DC." He posted pictures on TwitPic of his car before and after digging it out of the snow.

My wife enjoys weather maps and forecasts. She has been going to the websites for the Washington television stations to get the latest. Thanks to her efforts, we saw lots of great viewer pictures, details of the Facebook-organized snowball fight and the amusing tale of "Sandwich Girl." WRC-TV reporter Pat Collins spoke with a young woman who had decided to walk three miles to a Giant supermarket because she wanted to redeem her coupon for a free sandwich. No wonder I like her story.

fight to life

Father Michael Woods commented on the influence of social media during his homily at today's 11:45 Mass at All Saints Church. He had just returned from visiting Ashley Reisser and her family at UT Medical Center. The Maryville High School senior was critically injured in a wreck on an icy Pellissippi Parkway last night.

The story in the Knoxville News Sentinel spells out some of the horrific details. Ashley and her friends got out of her car after a fender bender, as did the driver of the other vehicle. Two other cars, a Mitsubishi and a Honda, also slid on the ice and collided with each other. The cars in the second crash hit Ashley and her friends and then hit the other driver from the first crash as he tried to help the girls. The red Mitsubishi drove away. The men in the Honda got out and ran. Knoxville Police are looking for a red Mitsubishi Eclipse with Tennessee license plate 825-SQP. It should have a broken left rear taillight and damage to the passenger side.

I first heard about the wreck from Ashley's brother-in-law, who is a good friend of mine. I was his RCIA sponsor last Easter. He is a parishioner at Sacred Heart Cathedral and needed to know how to contact a priest at All Saints, where the Reissers go. I texted Fr. Michael Woods, who was able to visit the hospital after the 8:15 Mass.

I told Fr. Michael about a Facebook page that had sprung up overnight. By 10:30 a.m., 1,578 members had joined the group "Pray for Ashley Reisser and everyone involved in the wreck." As of this writing, the membership has climbed to 3,881. Fr. Michael mentioned the group in his homily and told how the family was touched by the outpouring of prayers online.

Some reporters from WATE saw my prayer requests on Twitter and Facebook and asked me to put them in touch with the family. The story just aired on tonight's 11:00 p.m. news. A reporter from The Daily Times in Maryville posted her phone number on the Facebook wall, inviting family members to call her for a story to be in Monday's paper.

I was impressed by the "retweets" of the prayer requests. Some were by a morning deejay at a Christian radio station and one was by an outfit called Prayer Network. At least two others helped spread the word too.

The family members have posted some encouraging news on Facebook. Her sister wrote that Ashley probably should not have survived the crash but instead is showing some improvement. Although Ashley has a fractured skull and several other broken bones, doctors are optimistic for her recovery. The power of prayer is strong.

laugh factory

On the trip to bring him back to school, one of the many things my son and I talked about was my blog entry about "Ed Gein: The Musical." I was pleased that the film's producers had seen my post and left a comment. They liked my idea for a parody song called "You: Suede Shoes."

I explained to my son that I didn't feel particularly funny when I was writing that post. Most of it was fairly standard but I thought it needed some jokes to close it out. Since comedy comes in threes, all I had to do was make up three quick punchlines. To do so, I used a comedy technique that I call "one from column A and one from column B."

In this case, column A would be a list of easily recognizable Elvis songs. I've been to Graceland and worked at an oldies station, so I knew plenty. If I didn't, a list is only a click away at Wikipedia. Column B would be anything Gein-related, like body parts or heinous crimes. Then it's just a matter of finding matches.

I suspect that certain movie companies in the San Fernando Valley use the same basic concept to name their movies. Last month, I used it to make up a bunch of "Avatar" jokes on Twitter.

to blog or not to blog

Have Twitter and Facebook taken the spotlight away from blogs? My friend Bean, for example, gave up his blog in favor of Twitter. However, several blog writers use Facebook or Twitter as a way to disseminate links to their latest blog entries.

Once again, the Knoxville Symphony Orchestra has a nice treat for those of us who have stood by our blogs. They are offering a pair of tickets to their "Shakespeare in Love" concert on Thursday, February 25th in exchange for a blog entry about the experience. Tweets and Facebook status updates don't count. To qualify, blogs must be public and must be updated at least once a month.

The program promises to be a fun one to write about. It features actors from the Clarence Brown Theatre reciting lines from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" as the orchestra plays Mendelssohn’s work. Women from the Knoxville Chamber Chorale will sing during that piece as well.

Even those with very little exposure to classical music will recognize parts of the "Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture" by Tchaikovsky. I remember it from a TV commercial for a record album that ran repeatedly on New York television when I was young.

Bloggers who feel they are up to the challenge can contact Stephanie Burdette with the URL to their blog. It would also be nice if you share the link to this post with your friends who might be interested. You can go ahead and use Twitter or Facebook for that.

called home

The death of Oral Roberts will make most people think of the time in 1987 when he said he was going to die. I am no exception. When my phone buzzed with the Twitter message from Celebrity Death Beeper, I immediately thought of my trip to Oklahoma.

After Rev. Roberts announced that the Lord would take him if he didn't raise enough money, Don & Mike began a countdown to his anticipated death date. As we got closer, someone suggested that it would be funny to broadcast live from the gates of Oral Roberts University. It sounds like something The Daily Show would do if it happened today.

Don & Mike, our engineer Chip and I flew to Tulsa and checked in to a hotel not far from the huge statue of praying hands. Chip had arranged for a satellite uplink truck to meet us there for the broadcast. That's when people started getting nervous. Our intention was to do the show from the hotel parking lot. The management refused to allow the satellite truck on their property. We were told that Rev. Roberts owned the land under the hotel.

With our fancy, expensive satellite broadcast scrapped, all we could do was phone it in. My friend Bean and Shadow Smith anchored the show back at WAVA. Don & Mike called the studio from their hotel rooms. To add some local flavor, I went to a nearby Waffle House, talked with some customers and then called in a report from a pay phone. It was the first time I had ever been to a Waffle House, a feat I didn't repeat until 15 years later when I moved to Knoxville.

first you take a little bit of honey

Nine years ago, I hosted a weekly radio talk show with streaming video, audio and live chat. The concept of Knoxivi reminds me yet again that Comedy World was too far ahead of its time. Their studio is located in a storefront on Market Square. It shares space with The Lunchbox, and they hope people will come in, watch the show and grab a bite.



I was complimented to be invited as a guest on today's episode of Eleven o'clock Rock. The show is hosted by Lauren Lazarus and Brent Thompson. Since we would be live on the Internet, I used Twitter and Facebook to encourage people to watch. I appreciated the positive response I got from a Twitterer named Rusty.

The program was immediately archived and can still be viewed online. You may have to click on "Monday" and then choose today's date. I'm on the show twice. Brent and Lauren asked me to improv something with them for the cold open. It's on the feed at two minutes in. My interview begins at 40 minutes in to the show. I didn't know it at the time but my microphone failed within the first minute. Fortunately Lauren's mic picked up my voice reasonably well.



The segment focused mostly on my involvement with Einstein Simplified and our upcoming performances at First Night Knoxville. Don't forget to buy your admission buttons in advance to save $5 each!

bake and wake

The annual cookie-baking party thrown by some friends of ours has become a holiday tradition for my wife and me. The host couple provides food and drink and the ingredients for several types of treats. They also had the SEC Championship game on their big TV. The guests each bring whatever is necessary for their specialty. This year, my wife and I made Oreo Truffles, which are well-known to longtime readers of my blog.

During the party, I posted a few bon mots and pictures on Twitter from my cell phone. When I got home, I was frustrated to find that my favorite comment never showed up on the Internet, yet it resides in my phone's "sent items" list. Here it is, because I still think it's funny:

Overheard at the cookie party: "I never heard of this Lady Gaga until this morning on NPR."

For the past several years, my wife has hoped to get the recipe for cappuccino cookies from our hostess. She would get busy or we would get distracted and leave without the recipe. We knew that instant coffee was involved but never had enough information to find an exact match online. There are enough similarly-named recipes out there to really confuse the issue. That changes today, as my wife found the recipe card at the party and transcribed it into the little notepad I carry. I had no idea that the dough had to chill for six hours before baking.

Ingredients

2 squares unsweetened chocolate
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup shortening
½ cup butter
½ cup packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon instant coffee
1 teaspoon water
1 egg
1½ cups semi-sweet chocolate
3 tablespoons shortening

• In a heavy saucepan, heat and stir unsweetened chocolate until melted. Remove from heat and allow to cool slightly.
• Meanwhile, stir flour, cinnamon and salt together.
• In a large bowl, beat ½ cup of shortening and butter until butter softens. Add brown sugar and beat until fluffy.
• Stir coffee into water until dissolved. Add coffee, melted chocolate and egg to butter mixture and beat well.
• Add flour mixture and beat until well mixed. Cover and chill for one hour.
• Shape into 7 inch rolls, wrap in waxed paper and chill for 6 hours.
• Cut into ¼ inch slices. Place on ungreased cookie sheet.
• Bake at 350° for 10 to 12 minutes or until edges are firm. Remove and cool
• In a heavy saucepan, heat chocolate and 3 tablespoons of shortening. When melted, dip half of each cookie into chocolate. Place on waxed paper and cool until chocolate sets.

one word or two?

Throughout November, my friend Bean's Twitter feed has been sprinkled with occasional references to egg nog and pumpkin pie. I have been encouraging him by posting Twitpics of Flav-O-Rich pumpkin pie spice egg nog as well as egg nog taffy samples and pumpkin nut fudge at Dollywood. I've been an egg nog fan for years.


When Chef Walter made an egg nog cake on the noon news today, I was inspired to list as many current egg nog flavored menu items as I could find. Bean already mentioned that he was psyched about Holiday Hotcakes at IHOP. A reviewer at LAist disagrees. Bean's reference to a pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks prompted me to try a combination egg nog and pumpkin spice latte after my wife's recent concert.

Baskin-Robbins has sold egg nog ice cream each year for as long as I can remember. I saw a sign for an Egg Nog MilkQuake at Krystal while on the way to Dollywood on Saturday. If there was a Jack in the Box near here, I might have seen a sign for their Egg Nog Ice Cream Shakes.

Can you add to the list? Use the comments section to tell me what you think of egg nog treats and where I can find them.

acid redux

For several years, I have enjoyed trashing CBS' attempted coverage of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I assume the only reason they bother doing a telecast is so they can sell ads to Macy's competitors. The parade participants don't perform for the CBS cameras like they do for NBC's.

I could only tolerate a few minutes of the CBS broadcast this year. I knew it would be bad when Maggie Rodriguez started off by referring to the new Spider-Man balloon as Superman. Really. Instead of watching the whole thing I did a Google search for "CBS Thanksgiving parade" followed by words like "awful" and "terrible." One of the searches brought me to the comments posted on CBSnews.com. Let me copy and paste a few for posterity in case Les Moonves deletes them.

by ayearwasted: CBS's supposed Macy's Parade coverage is merely celebrity snaps and gab. The token camera shots of the parade are so distant as to appear like an ant farm, and even those token images are blocked by a cheap computer overlay of fall leaves. Clearly CBS has no respect for the thousands of people who created the floats, no respect for those who practiced for years to march and perform, and no respect for we who do appreciate their extraordinary accomplishments. Shame, shame, shame!

by Alliterated: Disappointing coverage of the Macy's parade was highlighted by -not the parade- but a bunch of commercials and dance routines. Disgusting appearance by an alleged comedian, who denigrated his mother and father with references to his father looking like Hugh Hefner. Your rush to catch up with the crudeness of cable is alienating scores of boomers who still control the remotes, the majority of the buying power and so also the commercial dollars.

by tsummer99: We must say that this is the WORST coverage of a Thanksgiving Day parade we have ever seen. In fact, we don't think we are even watching a parade but in fact watching the hosts chat it up and commercials. COMMERCIALS EVERY FEW MINUTES IT SEEMS. We want to see a HOLIDAY PARADE. NOT A PARADE OF COMMERCIALS!!!! We have an exchange student here that we made get up just to watch this. She has since fallen back asleep because this coverage is so terrible. She was excited to see the marching bands, but has not seen a single one. Every time it looks like a band is coming up, the coverage cuts to commercials. A few balloons, a couple floats and some celebrities does not a parade make. We will never watch this parade again. Thanks for ruining a family holiday tradition CBS.

The fun for me this year came from reading and posting comments on Twitter during NBC's parade telecast. At a few commercial breaks, I flipped over to CBS in case I saw something silly.

As you would expect, the new balloons looked less wrinkled than the older ones. I thought it was an odd choice to put the new Mickey Mouse balloon on an inflatable boat anchor. My wife noticed that Poppin' Fresh had a blank blue circle on his toque instead of the Pillsbury logo.

Unfortunately for smart-alecks like me, there were no train-wreck moments in this year's line of march. Singers like Carly Simon and Cheyenne Jackson were barely memorable. Of the lot, I found Jimmy Fallon to be the most entertaining.

When I was a kid, my father took us into the city to see the parade in person each year. After we got home and had dinner, we would look at slides of the parade from previous years. Nowadays, I can read my blog posts from 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008.

mp-free

The great Knoxville-based website, CouponKatie.com had a link to an offer that was right up my alley. Before November 30, you can get a $3 credit toward the purchase of downloadable mp3s from Amazon.com. Most songs cost only 99¢ each. I got three, which left me with 3¢.

Coupon Katie asked on Twitter which three songs I chose. A Twitter user named Dusty made a funny guess. I could have easily gotten bogged down trying to pick from among the probably millions of available tunes. Fortunately I came up with a plan. I went straight to the Amazon wish list that I have been maintaining for several years and chose one song each from three different CDs. One of the albums appears to be no longer available in its disc form.

Longtime readers may realize that I have been wanting these songs for some time. Two of the three catch my attention each year when I hear them on a local Christian station. A couple of years ago I even called the station to ask who was singing "Sleigh Ride" and "Jingle Bells." The artists were Relient K and Denver & the Mile High Orchestra, respectively.

The third song I chose combined two of my favorite things: the "1812 Overture" and the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Their "1812 Overdrive" is a rockin' version of a classical masterpiece on the "Wolfgang's Big Night Out" album. Did you know that the BSO will be at the historic Tennessee Theatre two weeks from tonight?

While finding the links for the previous paragraphs, I stumbled across another free deal on Amazon. You can download a Christmas album called Sampler Claus free of charge! The seven tracks are from my father's era including a preeminent communion song performed by the late, great Robert Goulet.

can't be choosers

KFC attempted a do-over today. A few months back they suffered through a public relations fiasco when they offered free chicken dinners via Oprah.com. They were overwhelmed with coupons, many of which were copies of the actual computer printouts. Today they offered a single piece for free, without a coupon.

Thanks to Twitter, I went to a different KFC than last time. Wendy of Magic Mulch suggested I head to Farragut, which was ideal because I needed to go there to pay a bill at the Knox County offices sometime this week.

The KFC website said that the piece of free chicken would be "manager's choice." When they started to give me a thigh, I asked the clerks if I could wait until the manager might choose to give me a chicken breast instead. They told me that the district manager had already decided that all the free pieces in his district would be dark meat. If I wanted white meat, I would have to buy a piece for $3 and some change. Unlike the last KFC I visited, the Farragut store did offer side salads. I bought one for $1.63 to show I was a good sport.



The thigh was small but the taste was okay. It was good enough to make me appreciate that it was free, but not good enough to make me want to pay for it in the future. Thinking of other folks on a budget, I posted a note on Twitter and Facebook about my free chicken. Unfortunately my animal-loving friend Bean did not like it. He twitted tweetered twote said that he objects to KFC's chicken raising practices. He later told me that he is okay with the chicken at McDonald's and Popeye's. I need to find out if Popeye's ever offers anything that is grilled and not fried.

in da (865)

Most local radio commercials can be divided into two categories. I write and record my own endorsement spots in which I speak in the first person about my experience with a product or service such as Massage Envy, for example.

I also do voiceover spots for all four radio stations in our cluster. I read whatever scripts are in my mailbox each morning. Sometimes listeners will call me to ask about a script I read, thinking that it's a product I endorse. The difference between the two spots can be slight. I often have to change a script from first person to third person.

One of those third-person spots came down the pike on Wednesday. It promised 99¢ pizzas, which prompted me to immediately post something on Twitter about it. I drove past Mama Mia Cuisine that afternoon and happened to see the radio station's sales representative in the parking lot. He brought me into the pizza shop to meet Mac, the owner. He used to run other shops near the UT campus, including one with the clever name Salvador Deli. I pictured melting pizzas, a la The Persistence of Memory.



Mama Mia Cuisine is scheduled to open on October 29. They will sell their 14 inch cheese pizza for 99¢ with the purchase of $5 worth of other stuff. A couple of side salads at $3 each would do the trick although Mac and his business partner did a good job of convincing me to try their Greek salad or shepherd's salad instead.

a charm

When the call never came, I assumed that my two-year run as one of Knoxville's favorite bloggers had ended. I was very happy and thankful to learn this morning that I was mistaken. In the East Tennessee's Best poll that will be in tomorrow's paper, my humble blog made the top three for the third consecutive year. My sincere thanks to all who voted for me. Congratulations to this year's winner, public relations powerhouse Cynthia Moxley and to the other runner-up, the anonymous Knox Animal. I feel foolish for not reading their blogs before tonight.

Here's a little secret about the News Sentinel readers' poll. When you win, they generally contact you in advance and arrange for a photo session. Last year, the late Clay Owen took my picture at Patrick Sullivan's. In 2007, when I was a runner-up, they called me and asked if I wanted to buy a self-congratulatory ad.

A few weeks ago venerable photographer J. Miles Cary came to the radio station to take a picture of my morning show co-hosts and me. It was our first win in the Best Local Radio Personality category after being runners-up in the past. Last month I saw something on Twitter about Saul Young taking a picture of some food at the Creamery Park Grille. I realize now that it was for their win in the Best Sunday Brunch category.

Speaking of Twitter, the new poll reflects the times by honoring East Tennessee's Best Local Tweeter. The winner was the very same Cynthia Moxley. Runners-up were Jeremy Floyd and Jimmy Holt. I am going to try following Cynthia and Jeremy as of tonight. I've been following Jimmy's tweets since seeing him at Chick-Fil-A on Labor Day. That's how I knew when they tried to sell him an ad for being a runner-up.

don'ts and dos

A coward hiding behind anonymity attempted to place a comment on my blog yesterday. He or she appears to be insanely jealous of a Knoxville news anchor who has been the subject of a post or two of mine in the past. I rejected the comment but it irked me so that I want to share parts of it as a lesson in how not to get your comment published.

[Local Anchor] was, is, and will always be an idiot. She got her job on [local channel] based on her looks. She struggled with any word longer than four letters, and she always looked proud of herself when she actually got through a story without her [local] accent bleeding through. [specific insults removed] She was born on third base and thinks she hit a triple. Is it possible to get someone easy on the eyes that can actually read? Good Riddence, [sic] moron.

I stand by my earlier praise of the news anchor that Anonymous tried to defame. She deserves her success because she is a good communicator. The only moron is the unknown commenter who is just wrong in their opinion.

In happier local TV developments, WATE has hired a new morning reporter. News director Jamie Foster boasted on his Twitter account about Jamie Lynn Drohan. She's on Twitter, of course, and has been posting updates about her move to Knoxville.

A news article on Westfield Patch says that the male Jamie contacted the female Jamie about the job opening via Twitter. He saw her demo on YouTube and offered her the job. I suspect the Patch article is wrong about at least one thing. It says Drohan will be a co-anchor of "Good Morning Tennessee." Foster's Twitter posts describe her as a reporter. It's a big difference, especially if your name is Tearsa Smith or Bo Williams.

twutoring

At last night's Einstein Simplified show, I handed out a flyer inviting the audience to join Twitter before next Tuesday. It will be my turn to emcee and I want to try taking suggestions from the audience via social media. I often find it difficult to hear the people in the back of the room, which gave me the idea to have them text their various nouns, relationships, locations and Scenes From a Hat directly to my computer.



At the end of the show, I went from table to table picking up discarded flyers. It made me think that not too many of the people there last night rushed home to sign up for Twitter. Instead of trying to convert the bar crowd, maybe I can persuade some of Knoxville's active Twitterers to "tweetup" at Patrick Sullivan's on Tuesday night.

At least I can count on my lovely wife. She signed up for a Twitter account with the express purpose of using it to submit ideas on Tuesday. Earlier tonight I was her Twitter tutor. I'm no expert but I was able to explain Twitpic, hashtags and retweets. I'm sure I left out more than I included. What else should I have taught her?

Goren piece

A big fan of Vincent D'Onofrio is making an heroic attempt to keep him on "Law & Order Criminal Intent." Her exhaustive attempt to reach all corners of the Internet has even brought her as far as contacting Frank Murphy Dot Com. Why? Because I love Marshmallow Fluff.

My name is Nantz and I wanted to make you aware of a massive writing campaign that the fans of LOCI have been involved with. We have been sending postcards, emails, snail mail, tweets and posting everywhere we can to get our message out there of our displeasure at the dumping of Vincent D'Onofrio, Katie Erbe and Eric Bogosian. In answer to USA Network's trending towards "lighter fare" and "fluff" I have come up with the idea to send jars and jars of "Fluff" (that's the marshmallow crème) to the execs to let them know they can "stuff their fluff." As soon as the season premiere airs and all the aforementioned actors are gone, so are we, and long with us the ratings will go too. Not such good news for a cable network that is currently #1 and the reason they have such high ratings is because of shows like LOCI in the first place. Our voices have been heard as we have been highlighted in Examiner.com twice now. Soon cases of Fluff, cotton balls, Polyfill will arrive and right now they are being inundated with thousands of letters and postcards. WE control the numbers and if it's all about the almighty dollar in cutting these actors because of their salaries then they will find out what exactly numbers really mean.

Nantz is using her blog dedicated to D'Onofrio to spread the word about saving her favorite characters. The blog links to a Twitter account called saveGorenEames. They are hoping other Twitter users will copy and paste their "tweets."

I am curious to learn more about a site called On Location Vacations. They are encouraging "Law & Order" fans to bring Marshmallow Fluff to the set in New York on October 16. I'm interested in checking the site before I take my sightseeing trips next year just in case somebody happens to be filming in Iowa or South Dakota. It will be especially helpful when I can get around to visiting L.A. again.

social path

Former Knox County Commissioner Sharon Cawood gave me a quick lesson in social networking on Wednesday. I had posted a Twitter update about my remote broadcast from Weigel's. She sent a reply asking for more information. I had already left home and my computer by then and didn't see her message. Some of her followers were able to supply directions to the remote. When Sharon arrived at the store, she said that if I had been one of her followers, she could have sent me a direct message which would have been forwarded to my cell phone. She talked me through the steps of sending the message "on scawood" to Twitter, which put her on the list of Twitterers I read. She also showed me the TweetBeep application on her phone which notifies her whenever she is mentioned on Twitter. As a fan of Google Alerts, I also signed up for TweetBeep. Mine just goes to my email.

While talking with Sharon, I asked her about some Twitter dilemmas I've been having. I had started following a feed about Christmas music that interested me. I quickly tired of it when they posted the same information about an upcoming CD multiple times per day. I felt a little bad about un-following them because they had followed me back. But seriously, how many times a day do I need to be reminded that they got William Shatner to be on their CD?

I'm having a bigger problem deciding what to do about a local Twitterer. After meeting the person a few weeks back, I wanted to be polite and follow their feeds but I find them to be confusing. Almost all the messages were replies to other people. Reading only half of a conversation is frustrating. I prefer tweets that are written as if to a third party rather than tweets that target an individual. To be fair to this person, I have publicly acknowledged that I don't follow a co-worker's tweets for the exact same reason. So far, I've stopped following one guy who hasn't posted anything since I joined Twitter and three or four people who post too darn much.

Facebook has presented a couple of challenges lately too. It's no secret to my blog readers that I maintain a Facebook page for listeners and another for business contacts and co-workers. Most of the time I can post the same stuff on each but there are plenty of exceptions. Last Spring, two people I didn't know sent friend requests to my business contact page. Instead of accepting, I sent them friend requests from my listener account. Over the summer, one of the two, a married woman, would occasionally post comments with a slightly negative slant that I didn't understand but just left alone. Last week when I mentioned the FBI Citizens Academy, I got comments and queries from some listeners. The woman in question posted a response to one of my listeners that was very negative toward the FBI. I quietly un-friended her.

The other problem came from a recent high school graduate who posted some sexual and excretory jokes on my wall. The audience attending an Einstein Simplified show knows that I can enjoy ribald humor as much as anyone. However I must hold my Facebook page to a higher standard. The improv show takes place in a bar that used to be a 19th century brothel. The Facebook page is open to listeners of all ages who do not need to be inadvertently exposed to rude language. I deleted the idiotic comments from the young man and un-friended him, which seemed to anger him. This morning he spammed both my walls with a series of YouTube links that I didn't bother clicking. Not only did I delete his trash, I blocked him from being able to see my pages.

The whole experience made me realize that I still have much to learn about the world of social networking. Ken Mueller, who I knew when he was a radio curator at the Museum of Television & Radio, learned of my plight and offered to help. I will contact him soon but in the meanwhile I've been reading some of his blog posts about social media. He included a link to a funny essay that I could identify with: "the 46 stages of Twitter."

grab a bite to tweet

There was something very familiar about today's Knox Tweet Lunch despite the fact that I was meeting new people and that it was my first time going to Wright's Cafeteria. The experience reminded me of the blogfests I attended a year and a half ago. For example, I met a lady named Wendy and a lady named Jennifer but didn't realize who they were until they identified themselves as @magicmulch and @BattLady respectively. The same thing happened when I met bloggers who use something other than their name in their blog title.

Some people I knew from real life were there too. My friend Krisha, known as @niftykrisha, said the get-together reminded her of blogger night at the Knoxville Symphony. I'm sitting next to her in a photo that Tearsa Smith posted. My waving hand looks blurred out like something on Jimmy Kimmel's Unnecessary Censorship bit.

The menu at Wright's definitely qualifies as Southern comfort food. They had country style steak, fried chicken livers, chicken 'n dumplings, fried salmon cakes and much more. I chose a piece of fried chicken, a side salad and a small dish of baked apple slices.

Saul Young of the News Sentinel took some candid shots with his gigantic camera. However it was Twitpics from cell phone cameras that really documented the event. Wendy asked to have her picture made with me. Then four other women wanted to be in the photo too. How can a guy say no to that?

fluff and fold

Susan Olsen will be disappointed. Early in the summer she and I both searched unsuccessfully for any information about the date of the annual "What the Fluff?" festival in Massachusetts. She was thinking about attending and maybe displaying her amazing collection of Photoshopped Fluff art. It would also have been a good chance for her to promote her new book, "Love to Love You Bradys."

This morning I saw a link in Perry Simon's All Access column that mentioned a magic word. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts is considering naming the Fluffernutter their official sandwich. Lawmakers are also thinking about several other funny official items including making 6 the official number of the state. A throwaway line at the end of the article mentioned that the fourth annual Fluff fest takes place Saturday.

I have been curious about the event since the first one in 2006. Within the past 30 days or so, "What the Fluff?" has turned up on Twitter and on Facebook. This year's festival will have a cooking contest, messy Fluff games, music, dancing and a poetry contest to choose the "Fabulous Pharaoh of Fluff."

take the bait

"Fish Bait" director Jeff Joslin was burning up the phone, text and email lines from New York today. He had already made arrangements for a cast and crew screening of his low-budget horror film at Flat Hollow Marina & Resort on October 24. Today's mission was to add a Knoxville screening the night before.

Jeff was able to get the "great room" at Patrick Sullivan's, a location chosen because it is the home turf of Einstein Simplified. Most of the troupe members appear in "Fish Bait." Admission to the October 23 screening will be $5 with the money going to defray some of the costs of making the film. In addition to the movie, there will be live music. I was thinking it might also be fun to play a few improv games for the amusement of our regulars.

Please help us spread the word to get the tickets sold. Put something on your Facebook or your Twitter. You can either retweet like Berry Sensei did or write your own message. Best of all, you can show up yourself.

toot toot yeah retweet

The 287 friends, listeners and spammers who decided to follow my feeds on Twitter in the past five weeks may be disappointed with today's blog post. This afternoon a physician's assistant in training told me that I tested positive for flu and that I should rest. While I was waiting to be seen, I read the USA Today and used my fancy new QWERTY phone to post random stuff on Twitter. I know it's a cop out, but the best thing for me to do tonight is recycle those thoughts. I'll give you a few from last night too.

You may notice in one of the items that I have decided to bring back the eighteenth and nineteenth century abbreviation for et cetera. It saves one whole character, which means something when Twitter only allows you 140 of them. That sounds like something Andy Rooney might say if he were on Twitter. There are a few parodies of him, if you're interested.

• I'm thinking about doing a #FollowFriday tomorrow but I'm concerned that you'll say "duh, I already know about all those people."


• Best quote about #theoffice - "If you don't know a @MichaelScott, you are a @MichaelScott."


• Why is #Survivor in black & white? Are they back in Kansas?


• What is wrong with me? How did I forget that Pam is pregnant on #theoffice?


• So there's not another person inside Kevin on #theoffice? That was just gossip? So confusing!


• My wife remembers from last season of #theoffice that Pam couldn't get x-rayed after getting injured playing volleyball. Aha!


• Thanks Dave for the Kanye-licious link! RT @RavinDave Hey Frank, check out http://tinyurl.com/m2rec2 I promise you'll get a kick outta it.


• What the heck.. #FF @celebritydeaths @knoxtweetlunch @FrankStrovel @caswalker @volsHannah @niftykrisha @AllAccess @JohnHudgens @Helen_Keller


• My wife is sick, my boss is sick and I'm starting to get a runny nose, &c. I'm in the doctor's cough-filled waiting room now.


• Hey Robert Bianco at USA Today, you used "churlish" twice on the same page (7D) today. Just so you know.


• This is weird but my favorite part of USA Today is the NFL announcer listings on Fridays. Sam Rosen & Tim Ryan will call the #Redskins game.


• I wonder if Fox Sports broke up the team of Dick Stockton, Moose Johnston & Tony Siragusa because Goose would say, "thanks Moose, Dick..."


• Best #NFL announcing teams? Buck & Aikman; Nantz & Simms; and for nostalgia, Enberg & Fouts. Sorry Al Michaels, you're not on my list.


• Hey @clydetombaugh, may I borrow your copy of Tim McCarver's new CD?


• According to the student physician's assistant, I tested positive for type A flu, like my wife. It is not the fashionable H1N1 strain.